Do I have a hero complex? Let’s find out, shall we

I have this friend, Sabrina (real name not used so don’t bother guessing) who’d been going through a lot recently. For a while, I was seriously worried about her and did everything that I could to reach out to her and help in one way or the other. She got back to me after a while and gave a brief rundown of what she went through and I kept thinking about all the ways in which I could have been of help to her. Thing is, caring about someone when they’re going through something and wanting to help them isn’t a bad thing in itself but I learnt something about me in the process.

So with Sabrina, I’d usually find myself daydreaming about different scenarios in which I would help her and realized over time that in each of them, I kept centering myself as a savior that would swoop down and you know, save her. Think Superman, but nerdy and without all his abilities. All my fantasies had her coming to me for help, and no one else. She could have gotten help from any other member of the Justice League but it just had to be Superman. This got me thinking about whether I could have a hero complex and all the ways it has influenced various aspects of my life. I’d spend the rest of this post going over them in some detail.

Start: 2nd Year, 1st Semester

If there was any period where it was clear that I could give my all for people, even to my own detriment, that semester was definitely the one. Went all in for other people or causes and it cost me a lot.

To start, I was in a fellowship then and had recently been elected to an executive role. The fellowship had a number of things they wanted to do at the start of the session but didn’t have enough funds to do it so I volunteered to loan money that I should have used to get books with the aim that I’d be able to get by till I got paid back. I think I felt that I was doing it for some greater goal back then and had a lot of confidence in my academic skills.

They did get what they wanted but I didn’t get all the books that I needed for that semester and ended up failing a course and narrowly passing one (one that I was 100% sure that I would fail and still don’t know how I passed it).

Sometime in that semester, I had a friend who was in their first year and had run out of cash and I volunteered to loan/give (not sure which, probably give) what I had left because I also feel that I could get by. Superman can survive on low sustenance, I thought but it backfired on me horribly and brought back ulcer which I’d kept at bay since secondary to the forefront. That semester was also weird for a number of other purposes but it highlighted the fact that if left unchecked, I could sacrifice a lot for others even if it negatively affected me.

Always saying or volunteering ‘yes’

This shows itself in various forms but to sum it up, when someone comes up to me and asks for something, it’s usually hard for me to turn them down. This depends on how close they are to me though.

At my first job, I had to set limits on how much I could loan out in a given month or I’d have loaned my liver if it was possible to. I’d tell myself that the other person needed it more than I did then.

In some other cases, people don’t even need to ask. I’d up and volunteer the money to them even if it meant adjusting my plans to accommodate them. Once paused a house search to loan someone money without them asking for. Though it did make me push for a promotion at work which I eventually got so that’s a good thing.

My love for police procedural series

I’ve always imagined that I’d end up being some kind of detective. Sucks that Nigeria’s police system is fucked up or I’d be up tracking serial killers and shit.

Anyways, I started out with reading books like those from the Famous Five series and upgraded to binge watching series like Criminal Minds. I’d read those books or watch those series and center myself in them. It was pretty easy to do, imagining that I’m a lead investigator of some sort in those series, solving crimes and bringing evil people to book.

Wanting to save people, reduce crime and all is something that I still live for but Nigeria is messed up so 💁.

Was thinking about how I’d end this piece and I did not know how. Do I have a hero complex? Most likely. What am I doing about it? Adding more restraints to myself, which is hard because it goes against my very nature (I’m nice and shit). Won’t go all out and stop helping people but also going to pay more attention to myself. Ulcer’s a bitch and still have to deal with the fallout of that specific semester. Anyways, thanks for reading this. Hoping to put out more posts about me later.