Far gone

How far gone is far gone,

Is it when I've isolated myself, playing games and netflixing away,

Getting lost in a new novel I bought so people can find me,

Or when I have my headsets on, with a new depression song on infinite repeat

Is it when I no longer tell my friends my feelings, and just keep them locked away,

Acting like everything is fine and damn dandy, while hiding behind my cheerful smiles,

Or is it when they ask and I tell them it's fine, hoping they'd take my word as definite,

Hoping they'd just back down

Is it when I've started courting death, being drawn to the idea of leaving,

When all the thoughts swirling around inside my head are dark ones, things that would terrify the average man,

Or is it when I've given up on living, devoid of purpose of any kind,

Waiting for death to come take me, wondering if I should even wait

Is it when I've pushed her away, leaving her to wonder what she did wrong,

When I stopped replying her texts or taking her calls, making her worry that she's the one at fault,

Is it when I selfishly stay away, under the guise that I'm doing what's best for her,

Or when I've started to hope that she finds someone else, someone who'd treat her better than I did

How far gone is far gone,

Is it when I no longer care what my friends think when I'm gone,

How much it would hurt and break them and make them loathe me,

Or is it when they probably wish I never existed after all the pain I'd leave them with.