4 min read

Some weird bits about me

Hey y’all. Been a while I wrote here kinda Actually, I’ve written a couple of unlisted articles in that time, but who’s counting? Been…

Hey y’all. Been a while I wrote here kinda Actually, I’ve written a couple of unlisted articles in that time, but who’s counting? Been stumped whenever I try to think of something to write, so I just thought I’d help brighten your day, evening or whatever time you’ll actually be reading this. I’m pretty weird, and I’ve come to love it. I mean, why would I want to copy people and live a boring life. So let’s delve in a bit, shall we.

My no — swallow streak

And yeah, it involves every kind of swallow possible — garri, semo, wheat, and amala (yuck). One might wonder what kind of Nigerian, born and bred in Nigeria, doesn’t eat swallow. I mean I’ve seen people who’d rather break norms and eat it at events over rice at events (bummer). Sadly, in this vein, I’m not alone. Had a classmate in school who hadn’t taken it from birth. At least I took it for some time. My weirdness comes into play in a really nice manner — a game. Huh? Well, let’s put it this way, some time back, I decided to see if I could go a year without it, failed at some point, and tried again and went on to finish it. But i felt there wasn’t any fun ending it at one year, and extended to two. Was fun, and going really fine, till I overhead a couple of friends talking. Turns out one had a brother that had gone 8 years without it. 8 freaking years, and there I was rejoicing with 2. Couldn’t let that pass, bumped up my target to 9, yep, 9 f****ing years. Try and top that. Have to say, wasn’t really easy initially, and I think I’m in my 7th year, but I did find ways to make it fun. What better way to make a game fun, than by playing a game within that game? You get where I’m coming from? Hold on just a sec. Well, I’d usually tell people about my streak, and watch them go on and on, about how they’d make me eat it, and watch them give up after a while. Nobody just seemed determined to take it to the end, and I didn’t usually tell them I had a prize in store for whoever would get me to break my streak. Wouldn’t want to ruin the fun. Anyways, 7 years, and still going. Try and make me break it, if you feel you can. Mwuhahahaha. By the way, I also offer classes on how to go on this kind of streaks. If you’re ever interested, just holla.

I Kinda Squeeze, a Lot

Now, before you up and start getting the wrong ideas about this, I should say that any girl who’s close to me, and has been around me, knows exactly what I’m talking about. Damn, here comes a plethora of wrong ideas. I can feel it rising in those minds of yours, kinda like magma flows from an erupting volcano, or how ijebu garri swells given perfect conditions. What the heck am I saying? You sha get the picture. Anyways, I squeeze girls’ hands a lot when I shake them, and they always say it hurts, except the really strong ones (and that’s like one or so). Why do I squeeze their hands, you wonder? It’s really quite simple — it’s fun? How is it fun, you wonder again? Why in the sam hill should you care, I wonder? That’s like asking me how cores differ across stars, or how Pluto came to me, or one weird question. I said it’s fun, just leave it like that. Like I was going to say, squeezing hands usually serves as an indicator of girls I’ve taken a liking too, and in no way signifies that I hate them, or anything of the sorts. So, if you’re a girl, and you’re reading this, and I haven’t met you before, whenever we do, and I squeeze your hands when I shake you, know it’s because I like you.

Sweets, Popcorn, and Fries

Pretty much my standard diet, sometime in my second year. Sweets for breakfast, popcorn and a bottle of sprite for lunch, fries for dinner, and it kept me going for a good part of the semester, well, till ulcer came calling graciously. Why did I go on such a diet?Wasn’t as if I was trying to lose weight, when I was pretty slim then. Or that I didn’t have enough cash, considering I kinda had a lot then. But, i just did it because i wanted to. Normally, this is the point where I would advice you not to follow in my footsteps, but that’s not happening. This is more like a rallying call for everyone who’d like to try out a weird diet, and a shout out to peeps who have actually done something in this direction (you can leave your diet choices as a response to this post).

There’s a whole lot more, like my obsession with psychopaths (I really think they are more fun than sociopaths). It’s nice to learn how to manipulate people without betraying emotions, just for the fun of it, making me more devious than I already am. Remember this one time when I hid a cousin, who was asleep, in plain sight, while everybody was looking for her, and only revealed where she was after they’d spent a good deal of time looking for her. Good times. Anyways, let’s stop here for now, shall we. We can always continue later. Ciao