Touch Sensitivity

I never really knew that I was sensitive to touch until I was with an ex one morning and she mentioned that I flinched when she tried touching me. I didn't remember doing the motion and assumed that it happened subconsciously. I mentioned it to one of my best friends then and she narrated a similar experience to me. That she'd tried hugging me and I first took a step back. Again, I couldn't remember doing so either.

Around the same period in 2021, I experimented with alcohol. While I would rarely get tipsy, I would still, be hungover the following day. And one side effect that came with being hungover was that I was more irritable to touch. I felt off within my own skin, and I would usually just want to be alone then. I eventually gave up on alcohol so I wouldn't have to deal with that side effect.

For the most part since then, I've not had a lot of cases where I was extremely sensitive to touch. There was one with someone who kept trying to touch me and I kept pushing them away because in that moment, my body just didn't want to be touched. I spend a lot of time alone, and while I crave physical touch every now and then, I rarely feel the urge to initiate it around people, except its someone that I really really like.

I spent part of this year trying to figure out when the sensitivity is at its highest and learning how to communicate it better. For one, I know it's linked to my social battery. When it's at its peak, I can deal with touch and I'd seek it out if I can. When it's not, I avoid being around people and I largely just stay in. It's also linked to how stressed or anxious I am. When anxiety is at it's peak, I'd tend to withdraw too. I avoid wearing accessories like watches or necklaces because I can't deal with the feel of them on my body. Sometimes, I have the same issues with my glasses too. It happens when I try to lie down with them and I just can't deal with it seating on my face.

It probably affects my experience when it comes to sex. I can crave it and crave touching my partners but I don't derive pleasure from penetrative sex. I enjoy pleasing the other person but I don't really know what works for me when it comes to it.

I'd keep trying to understand how my body works and learning to communicate it better to people. There's part of me that wants to suppress craving physical touch, to match the fact that I don't always want it but suppression isn't always the best path to follow since it can blow up in my face. Anyways, thanks for reading.